Akpos was 16 and finally got hold of his driver's license.

Akpos was 16 and finally got hold of his driver's license. In order to celebrate the special day, the whole family went out to the driveway and climbed into the car to enjoy his first official drive. However, dad went to the back seat, where he sat right behind his boy.
When Akpos saw his dad he said "Dad, you must be fed up of the front seat after teaching me how to drive all these days Right?" "Nope!", came the quick reply from the dad. "I'm going to sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you've been doing to me for the last sixteen years

When I was your age, people tell me i was good for nothing

Akpos and his son Ochuko were arguing
and ochuko started to piss his father Akpos off

Ochuko: Daddy For $20, I’ll be good.
Akpos: You dey craze?  When I was your age, people tell me
i was good for nothing.

Akpos and 3 other men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies

Akpos and 3 other men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”

A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man Akpos Started crying. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.

Akpos replied “I work for 7 Up

lol share if you get the joke
Happy Fathers day

Akpors stuck his head into a barber's shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

Akpors stuck his head into a barber's shop and asked, "How
long before I can get a
haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and
said,"About 2 hours." Akpors left.

A few days later the same Akpors stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3
hours."
Akpors left.


A week later, Akpors stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How
long before I can get a
haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an
hour only." Akpors left.

The barber turned to a friend and
said, "Ochuko, please do me a favor, follow that guy and see where he goes.
He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then
he never comes back".

A little while later, Ochuko
returned to the shop,
laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when ever he leaves
here?"

Ochuko (laughing)
"To your wife at home."

The barber fainted.

When u ask an Ibadan babe for her number u go hear

When u ask an Ibadan babe for her number u go hear: "sero hate sero, six hate six, tiri hate sefun, noi noi, das my hen ti hen nober

Akpos the stupid driver (very funny)

Akpos, who survived in a tragic accident which rendered 50 people dead at Lagos-Ibadan Express
Way was remanded in police custody to assist in police investigation.
Luckily for him, the police officer incharge is his friend Ochuko.
Here is the Interrogation:
POLICE: Mr Akpos, how did you end up killing 50 people?
AKPOS: I was driving at 150km/h when I saw two men crossing the road. On the other side, a wedding
was taking place. I hit the brake but it failed, so I had to make a choice, either hit the two men or run into
the wedding party....

POLICE: Hit the two men of course to reduce Casualties!
AKPOS: Exactly, we think alike oooh! But after hitting one, the other man escaped into the wedding party.
POLICE: So, what did you do?
AKPOS: I went after him to balance the equation...But unfortunately, people lost their lives in the process.

Oga asked Akpos who drank my beer? (very funny)

OGA: Akpos
Akpos: Oga
OGA: who drank my Beer?
No answer!
OGA: Akpos, who drank my Beer?.
No answer. Oga walked to the kitchen and saw
Akpos there.
OGA: Are you insane or what?. Why when i call, you
say "Oga" but when i ask you a question you don't
answer me.
Akpos: Oga when you are in the kitchen you don't
understand anything, except your name.
OGA: Is that so?. Okay go to the parlour, stand
beside madam and ask me a question while i stand
here.
Akpos went and did what oga said.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa
OGA: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who goes into the maid's bedroom when
madam is not at home?.
No answer.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa!!! You dey hear me, I say who dey
sneak enter the house girl room when madam no
dey house.
No answer. Oga runs out of the kitchen.
OGA: Wonders shall never end. Akpos, it is true o,
when one is in the kitchen, one does not hear
anything, except one's name.
MADAM: That's not true. It's a lie.
Akpos: Madam, do you want to be tested?
MADAM: Yes
Akpos: Oya enter the kitchen
She enters.
Akpos: Madam
MADAM: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who is Junior's biological Father? Me or Oga
Madam rushed out of the kitchen
MADAM: This kitchen needs to be fumigated o, I
can't understand anything at all.

My name is Ekaite, I used my friend to set up my boyfriend to see if he'll cheat on me. (very funny)

My name is Ekaite, I used my friend to set up my boyfriend to see if he'll cheat on me.
Now they have sent me a wedding invitation.....
WHAT AM I?

A. Learner
B. Idiot
C. Fool
D. Wedding Planner
E. All of the above

Akpos asked a lady for the time (very funny)

AKPOS: Hello madam?
LADY: What is it?
AKPOS: Sorry madam, just wanted to ask what the time is on your watch?
LADY: Ehee…now you think my watch is used as a public clock huh? Go away and stop wasting my time.
AKPOS: But madam...
LADY: Shut up!



Akpos takes out his Apple phone and makes a call.

AKPOS: Hello John, I just settled from Washington D.C. Can you please tell me what time it is right now so that I set my clock to the local time since it still reads American time?
[she listens]
Ok, thank you and today don’t forget to come for the galaxy tablet that you requested. Since my girl is still in America bring me a beautiful girl to spend my money with tonight...Ok bye.
LADY: Sir the time is…
AKPOS: Shut up!!!

Akpors has been admiring his neighbor’s wife

Akpors has been admiring his neighbor’s wife. The neighbor’s wife always gives him this seductive smile whenever they greet each other. Akpors didn’t know how to approach the lady to tell her of his desires because she’s married. So, one day the lady herself
approached Akpors alone in his apartment.

AKPORS: Hi.
LADY: Hi.
AKPORS: Is everything alright?
LADY: Yes. Just need little help from you (Smiling seductively).
AKPORS: Wow! Anything for the angel.
LADY: I just don’t know how to say this. I’ll be so
ashamed ƒ myself if I ask and you say no.
AKPORS: Oh my lady. you
don’t have to. I am ready to do anything for you.
LADY: You know, it’s been over 3 weeks since my husband
travelled.
AKPORS: Yes! Yes! Yes!
LADY: And even when he’s around, he has some…
(pause for a while) he has some disabilities…
AKPORS: Oh poor you. You must have been
going through hell!
LADY: I know you’ll be
stronger than him…
AKPORS: Sure.
LADY: Can you help me?
AKPORS: Wow! Now? Sure,
I’m ready if you are ready.
LADY: Oh thanks
goodness! that’s why I came
to you. Can you help me
carry our deep freezer
from our kitchen to the next
street for repairs???

Akpos, ochuko and John decided to go to China for vacation

Akpos, ochuko and John decided to go to China for vacation.
Since they were new to the place they had to stay
in a hotel. And their room was on the
60th floor. The policy of the hotel was that at
midnight the elevators were shut down. The next
day, this guys rented a car and explored the city.
They enjoyed themselves and arrived at the hotel
past midnight. The elevators were shut down.
There was no other way to get to their room but
to take the stairs all the way to the 60th floor.
John said'''for the first 20 floors, I will tell jokes to keep us going. Then ochuko could say
wise stories for the next 20 floors and lastly, we will
cover the final 20 floors with sad stories from akpos.''
So,John
started with jokes. With laughs and joy, they
reached the 20th floor. ochuko started
saying stories full of wisdom. They learned a lot while reaching the 40th floor.
Now it was time for sad stories. So, Akpos
started: ‘My first sad story is that I left the key for
the room in the car''

Akpos brought Ekaite home for some little fun

Akpors was nearing the end of his senior year in high school, unfortunately he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is about 4 years old. One night, he decided to bring his girlfriend Ekaite home for a little fun. Akpos and his little brother have bunk beds Akpos notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend Ekaite climbed up to the top bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up. Akpors remembering that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend Eakite to whisper,”lettuc ­e” if she wants it harder and “tomato” if she wants a new position.
“Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce,” it sounds.

Then the little brother Johnboo , leeping below the both of them said “Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there, you’re getting mayonnaise all over my face.

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town (very funny)

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for Akpos who sat calmly. Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

Akpos replied, "Yes i do."


Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

Akpos "Nope, sure ain't.

Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

Akpos calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years.

Akpors decided to give his students a test. (very funny)

Akpors decided to give his students a test.

He asked them to write the answers as he read out the questions.

Instructions says: Canceling answers not allowed)

Akpors the Lecturer: Question 1: What's your favorite food? [10 mrks]

Female students were writing, Pizza, fried rice, Hamburger, ice cream, sharwama and all sorts of Chinese cuisine.....


Lecturer Akpors: Question 2: How do you prepare the food? [50 marks]

Huh!! immediately, the female students started cancelling and changing the foods to, beans, cocoyam, & abacha, bolee and porridge yam, indomine, white,Tuwo,Eba,Akara
rice with no soup!!!

Conversation between akpos and ekaite (very funny)

Ekaite: honey do you still love me like before?
Akpos: Yes love! My love for you will never change.
Ekaite: thats my honey. I want you to buy me something.
Akpos: Just name it
Ekaite: It's just one BB porsche.
Akpos: No problem. Just find out the price and let me know.
Ekaite: It's #350,000.
Akpos: Is it manual or authomatic? Is it still in a good shape, as in the engine. Have you checked the fuel consumption too?

Ekaite: Honey, its not a car oh, It's a phone.
Akpos: Phone?!!! that means it will have a fridge, generator set, plasma and a wardrobe, shey?
Ekaite: Are you buying it or not?
Akpos: Please i am not oh! I can't!
Ekaite: Helloooooo!
Akpos: Hi
Ekaite: Dont even bother again. I'will call Alhaji to get it for me this evening.
Akpos: Better still, call Atiku, he will be faster.
Ekaite:(sad, cry): 'am goin to delete you.
Akpos: Is your fone hanging? because I have deleted you since you mentioned porsche

Akpos decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother?

AKPOS: My wife where are you?
EKAITE: At home love.
AKPOS: Are you sure?
EKAITE Yes.
AKPOS: Turn on the blender.
EKAITE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
AKPOS: Ok my love goodbye.


2 days later

AKPOS: My wife where are you?
EKAITE: At home love
AKPOS: Are you sure?
EKAITE: Yes
AKPOS: Turn on the blender
EKAITE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
AKPOS: Ok my love goodbye

The next day, Akpos decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother?

SON: I don't know, she went out with the blender.

Poems written by AKPOS and EKAITE (very funny)

AKPOS: God saw me hungry, he created pizza.

He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi. He saw me

in darkness, He created light. He saw me without

problems, He created YOU.

EKAITE: I wrote your name on sand it got washed. I

wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then I

wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart

Attack.

AKPOS: The rain makes all things beautiful. The

grass and flowers too. If rain makes all things

beautiful Why doesn't it rain on you..?

EKAITE: Roses are red; Violets are blue. Monkeys

like u should be kept in ZOO. Don't feel so angry

you will find me there too Not in cage but

laughing at YOU.

I found the remote

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'

Akpos went to a football game (very funny)

By the time Akpos arrived, the football game had already started. “Why are you so late?” asked his friend.

“I couldn’t decide between going to church and going to the football game. So I tossed a coin,” said Akpos.

“But that shouldn’t have taken too long.” said the friend.

“Well, I had to toss it 35 times.”

LOL Share this joke if you get it

A stressed man was in his office thinking deeply

A stressed man was in his office thinking deeply,
suddenly a man runs inside shouting 'Peter Peter your daughter Tonia just had an accident and died'.
Shocked and confused, he jumps out of his office window! As soon as he does;
oh! He remembers his office is on the 7th floor.
As he is descending lower,he remembers he does not have a daughter called Tonia.
Still descending, he remembers he is not even married,
just 2 floors before he hits the ground, he remembers his name is not even Peter......

lolz...Don't be too carried away by ur thoughts.